Page 3 of 28 FirstFirst 123456713 ... LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 274

Thread: Joke Thread

  1. #21
    HG is offline Gold Club Member (1000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,034

    Default

    Why did the Elephant paint its toenails red?

    So it could hide in the Cherry Tree.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    365

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by HG View Post
    Why did the Elephant paint its toenails red?

    So it could hide in the Cherry Tree.


    That reminds me of my favorite joke from when I was 7 years old:

    Q: How many elephants can you fit in a Volkswagen Beetle?
    A: Five. Two in the front seats, two in the back seats, and one in the glovebox.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Location
    Fort Wayne, IN, USA
    Posts
    27,246

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Bob Ross View Post
    That reminds me of my favorite joke from when I was 7 years old:
    Don't get me started on Elephant jokes. I had the whole book memorized. I still have it to this day. I wore those out.

    One of my two-part favorites. (Too late, you got me started.)

    Q: Why don't the pygmies go into the jungle between 2 and 4 in the afternoon?

    A: Because that's when the elephants are jumping out of trees.

    Q: What do you find between the toenails of elephants?

    A: Pygmies that went into the jungle between 2 and 4 in the afternoon.
    Lynn Fuston
    3D Audio

    Making beautiful music SEEM easy since 1979.

  4. #24
    Tim Julian's Avatar
    Tim Julian is offline Gold Club Member (1000+ posts)
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Tauranga, New Zealand
    Posts
    1,061

    Default

    Okay, you asked for it.

    Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?

    A: Here come the elephants.

    Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing sunglasses?

    A: Nothing, he didn't recognize them.

  5. #25
    Wireline's Avatar
    Wireline is offline 3D VIP 2004, '05, '06, '08, '09, '10
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Midland Tx
    Posts
    11,363

    Default

    A Mastering Engineer was walking thru town, and every minute or so he would let loose a very loud and annoying body noise from one or more of the various orifices (orifi?) capable of such activity...

    Obviously before too long someone approached the Mastering Engineer, and asked "Why do you constantly make those disgusting sounds every hour?!?" The ME responds with "To keep the elephants away"

    Person says "Stop being stupid - there aren't any elephants within 2000 miles of here."

    The ME says, "See! It works"

    (Is this an elephant joke or an ME joke?)
    Ken Morgan
    2010 3d VIP

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Posts
    1,854

    Default

    What did the Elephant say to the man?


    "How do you breathe through that little thing"

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Minneapolis
    Posts
    9,845

    Default

    A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

    For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.

    When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $125,000.

    He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

    The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

    "Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

    "Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."
    Lee Blaske
    Excelsior, MN
    http://www.reverbnation.com/leeblaske

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Minneapolis
    Posts
    9,845

    Default

    A crusty old man walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church."

    The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

    "Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"

    "I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church."

    The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor's study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language.

    They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?

    "There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money.

    "I see," said the pastor. "And is this ***** giving you a hard time?"
    Lee Blaske
    Excelsior, MN
    http://www.reverbnation.com/leeblaske

  9. #29
    HG is offline Gold Club Member (1000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,034

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lee Blaske View Post
    A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

    For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.

    When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $125,000.

    He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

    The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

    "Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

    "Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."
    ROFL, that's funny man!

  10. #30
    HG is offline Gold Club Member (1000+ posts)
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,034

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lee Blaske View Post
    A crusty old man walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church."

    The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

    "Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"

    "I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church."

    The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor's study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language.

    They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?

    "There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money.

    "I see," said the pastor. "And is this ***** giving you a hard time?"
    ROFL thats even better...keep em coming!

Page 3 of 28 FirstFirst 123456713 ... LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •